Anxiety. I despise it. It takes over quickly and suffocates any good qualities that make up who I am. I have lived with anxiety for a long time and used to have some bad coping skills for it. Now I am digging to learn more about where it is coming from so I can cope in better ways.
This is what anxiety looks like for me.
- Irritability. I have zero patience for my children, everything my husband does annoys me, I literally want to scream till I can’t anymore.
- Paralyzed. I can’t physically move, or speak, time seems to stop. In these moments the only safe place is in my bedroom, under my covers with the lights out. This can last for hours.
- Physical. I feel like I can’t breath, my chest is tight, my heart is racing, like a surge of energy that can’t escape.
Underlying cause: FEAR
I have identified that for me is that fear is what causes my anxiety. Fear of failure, lack of security, the unknown.
- I do manage this with medication and truly feel it is needed.
- I also manage my self talk. Identifying the way I talk to myself has truly helped. If I am constantly thinking of negative things than I will stay in a negative place. Its learning to confront myself in these times to identify what lies I am giving into so that God can fill that with His truth. This typically leads to coming out of the episode quicker but I must be willing to fight against myself.
- Sometimes I need to stop thinking. I do this by removing myself to where I can be alone for a moment. I have found a bunch of different calming music specifically for anxiety. I will play that, close my eyes and just focus on the sounds while breathing. Search iTunes, Spotify or whatever music app you have for “calming music” or ” music for anxiety”.
- Therapy. I am a believer in counseling and talk therapy. Sometimes friends and family are just not the best to lead you in a positive direction. You need more and this is where someone who understands and has trained knowledge to walk you through and listen to help unravel the thoughts. Anxiety can be a web that’s difficult to get out of on your own.
- Take time for you. Life is overwhelming make sure you make time for yourself. Whether it is pursuing a hobby, getting your nails done, going for a walk, having a night with your bestie. Schedule in the time so that it is a priority.
- -Lean into God. He sees the darkest parts that anxiety can lead your mind to. Most of the time when I am having an episode God feels very far away but its actually when He is the closest. I mentioned above that I will feel like screaming. I have literally screamed His name at times, both loudly and silently to try to stop the insanity of the anxiety attack. There is no greater power than the name of God.
I hate who I become when I let anxiety take over. To be honest sometimes it takes over who I am for a little while before I put these things into place and my family suffers for it. I am left to ask for forgiveness and pick up broken pieces of hateful words. Its not pretty, but through the ugly I am teaching my kids to admit their mistakes, ask for forgiveness, move forward because no one is perfect. That’s why we need Jesus.