When Bitterness and Anger Take Hold

” Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one can share its joy.” 

Proverbs 14:10

Bitterness and anger can become consuming after you have felt the sting of betrayal. It smothers joy. Fighting for your marriage isn’t easy so these are just a few ways to battle. 


  • Have a “divorce is not an option” attitude

Even in the smallest trails Satan uses this to enslave your thoughts to a “what if” attitude. Letting your mind focus on what life would be like apart from your husband is a dangerous road that will not lead to healing and restoration. It leads you away from it. Your bitterness will build up a residue that will make it hard to fight for your marriage.

  • Forgive your husband

I had a really hard time with this in the beginning because I thought that if I just kept forgiving my husband it meant that everything was fine and it was excusing his actions. That was a big lie that was keeping me trapped in my anger was unforgiveness. Forgiving does not mean that everything is magically better it is being obedient to God and it extends love. This is a process but forgiveness is what is going to set you free.

  • Surrender

Constantly. Moment by moment. Surrender yourself. Your thought. Most importantly surrender your husband. Practicing this allows you to step out of the control zone and allows God to take over. After all, He is the One who has ultimate control at healing your heart and speaking to your husband about the changes and surrendering that he needs to do on his own.

  • Get your head above water

Yes, I realize this is loaded when you feel like you are drowning, but thrashing in the waves is just exhausting. Try floating, just for a moment. If you can manage this do some self examination. Breath. Find some hope to hold onto.

Hope is right in front of you but you will have to seek it. Pray that God will show you this and pray for His promise of restoration. Believe that God does all things for good and for His glory it just will be Gods timing.

Gather a new perspective. Being able to think clearly can do drastic things to how you perceive what is happening. An example of this hit me recently while in a therapy session. I kept getting stuck in a rage of anger every time my husband would act out in his addiction and I wanted free from those feelings. Every time he would mess up it I would feel the same intense feelings just like it was the first time. So our therapist drew out a cycle representing that in the beginning it was a fierce cycle happening back to back to back. As he added to it I could see how the cycles have gotten further apart over the years and to the point where it had been a long time since the last time. Something snapped when I saw this because it was proof that my husband was trying and fighting just as hard as I was. The anger I was feeling softened, it wasn’t gone but it was manageable. I could begin to change my perspective that there is hope and we are going in the right direction.

I know that betrayal shatters your heart in so many pieces but those pieces can be put back together to make you whole. So many people just give up on marriage without the fight and so many people miss out on God’s greatness. 


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